Goldshire, The Fargodeep Mine and someone bites it thanks to Princess

So I left the Goldshire Inn nice and early to get a start on some quests. The first one I picked up was [Kobold Candles] from Mr. William Pestle.

I dont like Kobolds, so I took the quest. Alright, that may be unfair; I HATE Kobolds. "You no take candle!" F$ck you! I'll take what I want. Here's an expression of how much I don't like them.

I then grabbed [A Swift Message]  and hopped a flight to Stormwind. Ahh, Stormwind, so much has change, yet so much is the same. I saw someone yapping about the old Everquest days and how EQ Bards were the trickiest things to play. phhpt. Being modest, I chimed in.

So we werent dealing with the brightest in Stormwind, but I had a delivery to make so I made myself scarce. I found my way to Limited Immunity and had small talk with the owners.

After that I made my way back to Goldshire and grabbed [Gold Dust Exchange] from Remmy 'Two Times' and [The Fargodeep Mine] from Marshall Dughan in Goldshire. I then made my way to those hicks at the Stonefield Farm south of Goldshire to grab their quests. The first one I can do is [Lost Necklace]. Long story short, Bernice Stonefield thinks her necklace was stolen from this kid named Billy Maclure. The Maclure farm is about 250 foot away. Bernice is smart enough for a Stonefield (which means she can cook and breathe out of her nose) so she knows Billy is up to no good.

 Granted, Billy is a douchebag but as the epic quest line unfolds it really digs deep into not only the lore of the game, but it also tugs at the heartstrings at what makes us human, and can turn us into monsters. It's also about pie.

Before I forget, the main antagonist of this story (besides that little shithead Billy) is Goldtooth; a middle aged Kobold with a love of all things gold. He has been in love with gold all of his life and will welcome anyone that will increase his stock. He's also a poop-flinging Kobold that eats dirt and wears a candle on his head. Sorry, I got distracted; he's moved since the good old days. He used to be in the Fargodeep mine, where I'm standing now.

After waiting for him to spawn for 15 minutes I decided to read the quest notes and hey! they moved him to a new spot.

So, I finally found him but he got the jump on me. I ended up whooping his butt though.

So I turned that quest in, grabbed [Young Lovers] from Tommy Joe Stonefield and decided to call it a night.

Oh! Before I forget!


I also grabbed [Princess Must Die!] from those redneck Stonefields as well. The objective is to kill a pig named Princess. She's level 9. Dont try to kill her at level 6 like this nub.

And here's her name if you want to make fun of her.

Until next time!

Leaving Northshire Abbey

Ding! Level 5!
Time to leave Northshire Abbey and head to my favorite little town in the game; Goldshire. Home of gold spammers, emo PvP'ers and unloved role playing troglodytes ("I put on my cape and wizard hat"). But first, I stopped by for a picture with my old friend Falkhaan Isenstrider and my favorite old quest [Rest and Relaxation].

Goddamit. Try that again.

After a 2 minute walk I made it to Goldshire. I see nothing much has changed.

Oh but I do see they added a flight path. He seemed like a nice guy. He was cracking me up talking about the Goldshire kitten-fetish roleplaying convention that rolled into town the other day. Here's a nice composite of me with the flight path guy and me taking a nap in the Inn. Until next time!

Levels 2 to 3, or 4. I forget.

Well, after successfully defeating 5 pieces of wood I was sent on my next quest, [Join the Battle!]. Woo!! Finally, some action! The first thing I did was go find Sgt. Williams.

He was a nice enough guy. After he gave me my quest, [They Sent Assassins], I was called over by Brother Paxton, who apparently is the heal bitch in this area because the tanks treat him like crap.

Brother Paxton gave me a fun quest called [Fear no Evil!] so I could go kill some ninja Goblins who, as it turns out, where even worse at stealth then the Orcs! And they were cocky about it too. Fun fact; female goblins are drama queens when they're killed.

After helping out 4 wounded soldiers and soundly defeating the diva-Goblins, I turned in my quests and headed back to the Abbey. Marshall McBride gave me a new quest, [Blackrock Invasion], and Milly Osworth, who was either so excited to see me she was praying, or just taking a piss, asked me to put out the fires in her vineyard with [Extinguishing Hope].

!!Boob Update!!!


You can't tell me that my boobs are not bigger then the last time I played a Human Female. And they expand and contract as I breathe. I wish I had an animated gif of that action. Look at this;

I guess Goblins picked up a plastic surgery skill, or a wizard did it. Either way I'm fine with them. Movin' on!

Here's a fun little composite shot of me putting out Milly's vineyard fire (cause she's to damn lazy to do it herself) and blasting an Orc in the neck. Good times.

Well, I turned those quests in and McBride gave me the grand finale; [Ending the Invasion]. I think after this I've defeated the Cataclysm!. Whoo!!

After mentally preparing myself for the grand finale I arrived at the Orc stronghold ready for an epic battle. Here's what I found.

Alright, so it wasn't the epic ending I hoped for. If I remember he threw his axe at me then made me chase him in circles around the Abbey while the Benny Hill theme was playing for 3 minutes. But I bested him eventually.

Leveling is Hell!(uva lot easier than it used to be). Level 1

Oh Hello,
So I'm starting a new Alliance character on the Windrunner server. She will be a human warlock with no starting money or gear. So, there's no twink items, no cash, no Recruit-a-Friend and no heirloom gear. The account she is on is a basic account with no expansions so I'm leveling just like a new player would, with the exception that I am familiar with the game (even though the game mechanics have changed enormously since November). So I fired the game up and went to create my character realizing all my favorite names are gone. Ah well, I'll come up with something.

 Engoria, thats her name. Why? I couldn't think of anything else, and by looking at the loading screen it looks like her breasts are engorged much larger then the last time I remember playing a Human Female. Maybe she's holding water or is wearing a lift, or maybe it's just the holding screen. Whatever. Off we go!

My first quest was to kill some evil wolves [beating them back!] which was pretty easy. Here's a screen shot of my reward with an action shot proving I did all the work.

Off to the next quest, [Lions for Lambs]. All I had to do was kill 8 ninja Orcs who thought they were sneaking around when in truth they were out in the open. The Orcs were really, really bad at stealth. But thats ok, I smacked them in the head like this:

So, with that quest under my belt I was sent to see my trainer Drusilla. I've never liked that bitch.

She gives you [Tainted letter] quest. Now, back in my day! this quest was a little tricky. You had to grab some book for the crazed broad that was guarded by 3 bandits that would beat your ass most the time. Well, this time it's a bit easier.

Yes, this time you have to defeat 5 pieces of wood in order to obtain your [Immolate] spell. If the wood defeats you, quit the game and play Facebook Zuma cause it only gets harder from here. Ok, moving on.